SNL Season 30 Recap: Ep. 11-12
Paris Hilton, Jason Bateman
Episode 30.11
Air Date: February 5, 2005
Host: Paris Hilton
Why this host?
Our proto-fascination with famous for being famous. The sex tape was just over a year ago, and The Simple Life started right after that
Last year she started acting and launched her brand
Her autobiography was last fall and she’s about to release House of Wax
Musical Guest
Keane
Some Headlines
Pope John Paul II has the flu – bad
Bush just did SOTU where he tries to privatize social security
Guantanamo stuff is just starting to come out
Pats/Eagles in the Super Bowl tomorrow, Paul McCartney is the halftime show
Cold Open
Edited out! It was an American Idol spoof where they make fun of the bad auditions. Includes Horatio as (basically) Carol! singing Jenny from the Block
Good sketches
Armisen is an infomercial spokesperson for a “computer school” with a bunch of ridiculously dumb course names and testimonials e.g. “you will learn…computer boxes”
Poehler’s Barbie comes home to Forte’s Ken and he’s sleeping with Hilton’s other Barbie. They do a bunch of funny props and doll clichés – perfect role for Paris
Meyers’ mustachioed Bud drinking bro hits on a bored Paris in a trendy club
Bad sketches
Paris is purse-shopping and Finesse-in-drag and Kenan play a disruptive couple, the joke is extravagance – so bad
Paris hosts an ad for sex phone lines for nerds, Star Trek, Star Wars, D&D etc
Time is a Flat Circle
OMG, y’all – a whole sketch of the TRUMP FAMILY – Trump had just married Melania, played by Hilton. Meyers is Junior, Armisen is Eric, Rudolph is Ivanka. They all talk like Hammond’s Trump, a dumb person’s idea of shouting confident businessman saying absolutely stupid stuff; they call each other “Eric Trump” and “Ivanka Trump”; “here’s what we’re gonna do, you’re gonna perform fallootio on me”; the sketch is really lame, but also chilling
Update bits
State of the Union jokes
Finesse and Kenan as Donovan McNabb and his mom spoofing the Campbells Soup ads
Armisen and Dratch play miniature singing Munchkins who live under the WU desk
Tina and Amy do a Super Bowl trash talk thing in their respective hometown accents
SNL Shorts
Parnell is spokesperson for cheapkids.net, which sells cheap and dangerous crap for your kids, e.g. $2 for box of used pacifiers; there are TWO follow up segments later
Random news that you probably forgot
Jury pool selected for Michael Jackson trial
Canada just passed a bill to legalize gay marriage
Host performance
Not great – was she even here? She knows what acting is, I guess, but she’s Paris in everything; monologue she came out in a blue poofy dress with the biggest possible hair and an arm dog; instantly makes a tape joke; Kenan brings out another dog and the dogs have a conversation – and that was it!
Post Show mingle
Paris in a pink spaghetti strap dress with Keane next to her
Kenan is holding a big sign that says “Happy Birthday Parns-y”
Tina Fey is wearing an Eagles shirt with Poehler & Dratch giving thumbs down, can lip-read Dratch telling Parnell “Happy Birthday!”
Riggle and Sanz socialize
Voice of our collective unconscious
Let’s watch football, is this the sex tape lady?
Episode 30.12
Air Date: February 12, 2005
Host: Jason Bateman
Why this host?
Arrested Development. Nominated for an Emmy this year. I think this was when it was still hot (on Fox TV) and cultish but not yet truly threatened
Musical Guest
Kelly Clarkson
Some Headlines
Patriots beat the Eagles in the Super Bowl
Carly Fiorina fired at HP
Iraq suicide bomb at a police recruiting station
Prince Charles engaged to Camilla
Russians take to the street to protest Putin
Those orange flag things “the Gates” get installed in Central Park
Cold Open
Edited from the archive! It was a Kim Jong Il press conference with Sanz
Good sketches
Bateman plays the host of a show called Monkeys Throwing Poop at Celebrities, which is exactly that and is played straight up. With a real chimp. Includes Hammond’s Sean Connery, who slowly tries to “figure out” the purpose of the show. It’s polarizing…and controversial! (I think this is a link to a story, tell me if it’s not)
Bad sketches
A cheesy ad spoof where Bateman and Poehler by a fireside shill a love song CD with Rudolph and Thompson playing the singers (hilariously), with lots of booty and “just the tip” – Amy starts to realize the songs are all gross. The singers are funny, but the sketch gets a little assault-y with Bateman crawling all over her on the ground, I just don’t think it would happen now
Time is a Flat Circle
An update bit says 57% Democrats favor HILLARY CLINTON to be nominee in 2008 – they say “they’re looking for a fresh and exciting new way to get their asses handed to them
Another Update bit – BILL COSBY is accused of molesting a woman 30 years ago, they say Kenan is not coming out to make fun of him because of his Fat Albert contract and he “loves to work” – wow this was a long time ago for that Cosby stuff
Also in Update – AL FRANKEN says he may run for Senate - that’s crazy!!
Update bits
Meyers as Charles and Armisen as Camilla, they’re mashing the whole time, the joke is she’s yucky I guess
SNL Shorts
MeHarmony – dating site spoof where you get matched with yourself in drag; recurring
Random news that you probably forgot
Bush’s approval rating up to 57%
Host performance
He’s great. Talented deadpan comic sandwich (with Giamatti) around Paris Hilton’s lame show. But the writing was really bad tonight so it was a touch awkward
Post Show mingle
A bit of an “incident” - Bateman next to Clarkson, he thanks the crew first, then the cast, then it is revealed that he was holding the aforementioned chimp on a leash. All eyes seem to be on Bateman kneeling to greet the chimp. But the animal freaks out and screeches and points at Bateman as Dratch retreats. Maya is chatting with Kelly Clarkson. Bateman hugs everyone
Voice of our collective unconscious
I think we might stop watching SNL